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    jbudCaity Weaver
    2/14/14 9:53am

    Now this doesn't necessarily mean anything...but that Grill Sergeant called Paula "MISS Paula"? That's fucked up.

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      RhinestoneEaterjbud
      2/14/14 10:02am

      Naw, it's just Southern.

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      jbudRhinestoneEater
      2/14/14 10:15am

      Oh I see. Is it commonly used down there? I'm asking sincerely.

      I'm a Yankee, so I pretty much only hear it in the context of its plantation origin.

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    Caity WeaverCaity Weaver
    2/14/14 9:47am

    I went on a cruise, AMA.

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      bltwithoutthebaconCaity Weaver
      2/14/14 9:52am

      This was amazing. I will probably read it again. Upvotes everywhere. May a thousand raises and sexual partners of your preference find their way to you.

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      applejuiceCaity Weaver
      2/14/14 9:57am

      I think you answered just about every question I could have, great article! I found your experience very fascinating! (Which is surprising to me given the subject, seriously if someone were to ask if I wanted to here about their celebrity cruise - or any cruise - I'd normally back slowly out of the room/trip/get up and run away and pretend no one saw me ostrich stylee!)

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    ISpeakJiveCaity Weaver
    2/14/14 9:29am

    For a culinary cruise, it didn't sound like any of the food you ate was... very good? Maybe try a Jaques Pepin cruise next time?

    Isn't the food one of the reasons people like to go on these things (I've never been, so I have no idea)? Or is it just because enormous buffets are all inclusive?

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      Caity WeaverISpeakJive
      2/14/14 9:40am

      This wasn't a culinary cruise. (The most common response I got when I told people I was going: "You're going to eat so much butter!" Yes, but by my own choosing. Not because Paula was cooking any of the food. Her contribution was limited to one cooking demo.)

      The best thing about the food was definitely the quantity and the ease with which it could be procured (HOT DOG BAR!!!!). Some of it was bland, but a lot of it was pretty good.

      Included in the cost of a ticket was unlimited access to a gigantic buffet, breakfast and dinner in the ship's main dining room, and, of course, the HOT DOG BAR!!! There were other (supposedly fancier) restaurants you could go to for an additional fee but I didn't visit them. (Also heard mixed reviews from my fellow cruisers.)

      The worst thing I ate on the boat was the spaghetti.

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      MuscatoISpeakJive
      2/14/14 9:50am

      In prepping for this cruise (which we took mostly because we are dying from having to put up with our first winter in fifteen years), I learned that Celebrity falls just about middling in terms of food across the business (better than Carnival, not as top-notch as the luxury lines like Seabourn). It was on the whole pretty good (we ate in the "spa" dining room, not the Liberace-fever-dream main one, theoretically a step up). The average non-buffet meal was like a very good catered dinner; our dinner in the "fancy" French restaurant would have been a good night out at a decent upscale urban restaurant. And the buffet rocked - especially the curries, which were fab.

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    ChurchpantsCaity Weaver
    2/14/14 9:53am

    Not to seem crass, and my knowledge of older swinger couples is really just limited to what I've seen (barfed at) on late night HBO programming, but I would venture that this gentleman's beard, in all its ivory splendor, has been assiduously cultivated over the decades to demonstrate not aged virility, or whatever avuncular bullshit flashes before the uninitiated mind's eye whenever this portly fellow goes-a-courtin'; My friends, that beard has only one thing on its salacious agenda, and that's good old fashion cunnilingus. Why just look at that carnal twinkle in this chap's eye, as if he is somehow telepathically saying: "Happy Valentine's Day ladies, I'm going to eat your pussy!" Seriously though, happy Valentine's Day everyone.

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      Left HandshakeChurchpants
      2/14/14 10:07am

      Logistically, though, such a haughty muzzle would only pluck at your exhaust port while the old chappy is going casino on your clams.

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      ArturoLeft Handshake
      2/14/14 10:16am

      "..going casino on your clams"

      I have never heard this before but I intend to use something along those lines within the next week if at all possible. Going casino on her clams. Wow. That's just great.

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    MuscatoCaity Weaver
    2/14/14 9:30am

    AAAAUUUUGHHH! I'm going to go back and read every word, but first I have to say I am DEVASTATED to know that I spent a week within sight of Caity Weaver and didn't know it! Yes, the Mister and I were on that cruise (no, not part of the PD group), and while we were bemused by our occasional sighting of the Deenites (and, occasionally, the woman herself), to know that I was thisclose to meeting Caity, well...

    Life really isn't fair. Although we still had a fab time (and lots of frozen cocktails).

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      simmansMuscato
      2/14/14 10:12am

      This is an astonishingly good article.

      This Caity Weaver person you speak of... I am going to assume, because you said, "AAAAUUUUGHHH," that much of her writing is of the same caliber...? Yes? Excellent.

      I would hire this person to write for my publication, if I had a publication. (Currently, I am offering an unpaid internship, with duties including manning my ultrasonic cleaner to get the crud off my coins, and making sure I have the correct spreadsheet open in Excel—and this is unlikely to interest anyone even vaguely associated with today's article.)

      Still, great work on display here.

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      BlatheringMuscato
      2/14/14 10:31am

      I can't remember seeing a picture of Caity before. Now I'm going to have to keep my eyes peeled every time I'm in NY to make a celebrity siting of my own.

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    djbiznatchCaity Weaver
    2/14/14 9:52am

    One afternoon, as I am taking a hot dog by the pool

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      filmgirldjbiznatch
      2/14/14 2:59pm

      I like how both of us out of this entire article, this is what jumps out.

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      yyyyyyoinkdjbiznatch
      2/14/14 6:49pm

      Oh my god. I'm laughing so hard I have a cramp. On a crowded bus.

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    UncleCCClaudiusCaity Weaver
    2/14/14 9:12am

    Breakfast, Interrupted

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      snobbyoneUncleCCClaudius
      2/14/14 9:50am

      Just threw up in my mouth a little....

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      NekobashUncleCCClaudius
      2/14/14 10:08am

      "I wanted to see who was willing to spend, at minimum, roughly $3,000 to support a downtrodden millionaire. I wanted to see if there were any black people"

      >giggles

      *sees above photo*

      >full on laughing fit

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    MizJenkinsCaity Weaver
    2/14/14 11:30am

    I see you Caity Weaver.

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      MeiTaiMizJenkins
      2/14/14 1:12pm

      I thought the same thing, MizJenkins! ;)

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      sui_generisMizJenkins
      2/14/14 11:57pm

      That's not the specific headkerchief reference I was taking it as...

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    OhForChristsSakeCaity Weaver
    2/14/14 9:49am

    Early on in the voyage, Paula's publicist makes it clear that she wouldn't have had to come on the cruise if we three hacks hadn't all decided to take a January vacation with Paula Deen. (Later, she hedges her remarks, saying "maybe" she would have chosen to come anyway.)

    This explains a lot of Poor Paula's Problems, (A Nightmare In 3 Acts).

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      MuscatoOhForChristsSake
      2/14/14 11:40am

      Confused me a little, too - did that mean she would have just abandoned the 139 (minus journos) poor schmenges who shelled out to be the objects of mild curiosity/derision to the other 3,000 passengers? I believe that pre-scandal she was raking in more like 4-500 fellow travelers...

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      A Media DudeMuscato
      2/14/14 12:17pm

      I believe Caity was saying the publicist would have skipped the cruise had their been no reporters, not that Deen would have done so.

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    HiMyNameIsJayAgainCaity Weaver
    2/14/14 10:05am

    Girl you look good won't ya back dat ass up.

    You's a fine motherfucker won't ya back dat ass up.

    Call me big daddy when you back dat ass up.

    Who is you playing with back dat ass up.

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      ThePriceisWrongHiMyNameIsJayAgain
      2/14/14 11:18am

      This was so perfect in so many ways.

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