Kinja reply list

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toothpetardKen Layne
2/14/14 12:11pm
I'm gonna skip out of work early, hit the girlfriends' place for some weed and sex and some artichoke torte she's making. We'll have a cigarette on the back porch (I allow myself one of those after some sweet sweet humping). I'll get back on the motorcycle and procure some dried mango dipped in chocolate and maybe some daffodils. Regroup, pick up my son from the kids' club, get some Japanese food and hit Lego movie in 3d. Typical friday.
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  EuniceBurnstoothpetard
  2/14/14 12:52pm
  Please put lots of time between "weed" and "motorcycle". You are making me very nervous!
  
  Signed,
  Your Worried Gawker Mother
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  toothpetardEuniceBurns
  2/14/14 12:58pm
  Years and years of dirtbiking in that state has made it a natural. Hopping on the thing freshly sexed is worse than being on the pot: all rubber legs and somewhat slowed down... I will do my best to keep it in check though!
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RuthSlayderGinsburgKen Layne
2/14/14 12:14pm
This Valentines day, I'm giving my love a New Kinja Experience. Because I hate him.
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  BoatsandhobosRuthSlayderGinsburg
  2/14/14 12:22pm
  I feel like I've only just gotten used to this commenting system, and now they go and change it again! Bah! I hate "progress."
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  RuthSlayderGinsburgBoatsandhobos
  2/14/14 12:24pm
  The only way I'll approve the new system is if it gets HamNo to "engage" with me. ;)
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MizJenkinsKen Layne
2/14/14 2:04pm
I'm of the opinion that Valentine's Day is a great excuse to go out and get shit-faced with your single friends (like more ridiculously than you normally would) just to smugly rub-in how much the couples you're stumbling past are missing out on.

So in that spirit I am taking my gals out on the town for a terribly tacky time tonight. The options are...

A) Dive Bar Divas: Good ol' fashioned pub crawl among the city's finest shitty holes in the wall where we will consume several beer +shot combos and someone is likely to dance on a bar.

B) High School Date Night: Unlimited breadsticks and cheap wine at Olive Garden, a showing of The Lego Movie and all the candy we can eat. Possibly bowling afterwards if we can get it in before curfew.

C) Shits n' Giggles: cheap Mexican, pitchers of margaritas and a comedy show.

D) Easy Pickins: BBQ, cheap beer and flirting with the straight bartenders at Boxers.

E) Thug Lovin': West Indian food, rum punch, bumpin' and grindin'...hopefully to at least one Ja Rule song and hopefully with someone who is both fine and qualifies as a "ruffneck".

Thoughts?
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  Ken LayneMizJenkins
  2/14/14 2:14pm
  I love how almost everyone's plans, either partaking or not partaking in Valentine's Day, involve getting drunk and seeing the Lego movie. (I saw it sober in a matinee full of kids last weekend and it was *still* awesome.)
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apeshapedmanKen Layne
2/14/14 12:19pm
While dinner out on friday night is a norm, pizza and sweatpants are the plan tonight.

Also, fuck the shitshow that St. Patrick's day has become too.
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  selmabouvierterwilligerhutzmcclureapeshapedman
  2/14/14 12:26pm
  St. Patrick's Day is a huge deal in my city and I hate it. I get accused of not caring about my Irish heritage because I don't want to begin binge drinking at 6am and then go to the parade.
  My Irish heritage is my red hair, blue eyes, and skin that requires SPF 90 nine months out of the year, so yeah.
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  Dismarumapeshapedman
  2/14/14 12:28pm
  Cinco de Mayo is becoming the next big drinking holiday here in Texas. The last time I went to a bar on May 5th, it looked like my childhood birthday parties vomited all over the place. The only thing that was missing were my aunts screeching in Spanish.
  
  Funny thing....Hispanics here don't give a shit about Cinco de Mayo.
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cheerful_exgirlfriendKen Layne
2/14/14 12:23pm
Do not give me cut flowers, to me they say "I thought of you, but not for long and not too deeply"

Do give me:

A plant (if you must give some sort of flower thing)

Booze (which I will share with you)

Fix that thing in the house that I've mentioned once a year for the past 10 years. (sorry I nag so much)

Have sex (with me)
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  EuniceBurnscheerful_exgirlfriend
  2/14/14 12:44pm
  You can forget about that "fix that thing in the house..." one. Just trying to help you manage your expectations, so you won't be all sad later when you get some random stuffed bear wearing a t-shirt that says "I wuv you" or something instead.
  
  Oh, and you'll definitely get that last list item!
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  cheerful_exgirlfriendEuniceBurns
  2/14/14 12:50pm
  Oh after 10 years I almost want him to not fix it, it's like a part of our marriage now.
  
  And I wouldn't count on the last item, we both have long days today and he's been sick, I've been sick and we are planning on having fondue which while very yummy is really not the kind of light meal that is conducive to sexy time.
  
  No complaints though, he and I are sickly happy with each other.
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ScalfinKen Layne
2/14/14 12:14pm
Too late, already sent the dick pic.
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  Johnny ChundersScalfin
  2/14/14 12:18pm
  I'll cherish it always!
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  ThewalkingdudeScalfin
  2/14/14 12:24pm
  If I had a dime for every time I had to say the same exact thing...
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MuscatoKen Layne
2/14/14 12:28pm
Valentine's plans to date: skip work, sleep in, extra-long cuddle with dogs. Walk dogs. Target run. Walk dogs. Make something rich for dinner (I'm thinking shrimp Newburg). Try to stay up to watch Love Me or Leave Me on TCM at midnight. Walk dogs. What says "love" in the long-term way better than pet care and a shared fondness for Doris Day pictures?
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  indiansummerMuscato
  2/14/14 4:34pm
  Your dogs are very lucky.
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  Muscatoindiansummer
  2/14/14 5:02pm
  Yeah, they're lucky, but we're much, much more so.
  
  And just for those who care, slight alteration of plans: scrap Target, replace with supermarket, add in impromptu lunch at favorite dim sum place, and swap out shrimp Newburg for seafood curry (holiday special on lobster tails at supermarket). Retain all canine-related elements.
  
  And Really?, my dear (do your friends call you Ree?), be careful what you ask for. The dated velvet piano bar lounge is the first thing we look for in every new city, and they're getting fewer and farther between. If we can also talk about Bette (Davis), Betty (Bacall), Marlene, and Noël, we'll probably come hunt you down. Look out for the portly couple trailing the terriers...
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ToadYouOnceToadYouTwiceKen Layne
2/14/14 5:05pm
Ah, man. How can you hate on a holiday about love? Why does it have to be just about couples? I made my grandpa a Valentine and he just about cried. He loved it. It's nice excuse to let your family and friends know you care about them.
I love it.
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  Ken LayneToadYouOnceToadYouTwice
  2/14/14 6:51pm
  I like all that stuff, too: kids' valentines at school, cards to and from grandparents.
  
  The bad part is the $150 prix fixe restaurant dinners and the fighting over reservations and getting hustled in and out of restaurants with all the other V-Day couples. (I personally endorse doing this dining the night before or after, when you can hear each talk in the restaurant and order the usual good food instead of the "hearts of sperm" or whatever weird valentine menu.)
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jeffvanhungryKen Layne
2/14/14 12:39pm
No. Today is a day when I show my girlfriend how much I appreciate her through romantic gestures and a nice dinner out. Yes, we immensely enjoy staying in, eating sandwiches, and watching NetFlix. But for one night, I'm pulling out all the stops too. She deserves it. And if she wants it, why would you discourage it?
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  Ken Laynejeffvanhungry
  2/14/14 2:18pm
  Because she deserves to be taken out on a regular night, not on shitty valentine's day night with shitty special menus at terribly crowded restaurants with high schoolers everywhere ... unless you're doing a complicated "make her think she's the one who thought of breaking up" end run, in which case, carry on!
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  jeffvanhungryKen Layne
  2/14/14 2:49pm
  I totally agree with you that taking her out on a regular night does show that you appreciate her—perhaps even more than taking her out on Valentine's day—and she deserves it. My point was only that some people actually enjoy the symbolic significance of going out on Valentine's day. Ok, I get it: one of your points is that you think those people are crazy (or stupid) for the reasons listed above. But it makes those people feel good, so maybe we just have to agree to disagree on that point.
  
  I take your point that Valentine's Day has become a commercialized monster. I'm not disagreeing with that part of your analysis in the least. It is also unfortunate that those of us who enjoy it experience the commercialized monster, and, yes, overpay for dinner, on this particular day. I guess we just fall on opposite ends of the spectrum with respect to how much we are willing to put up with it.
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LittleMisterMoffattKen Layne
2/14/14 12:18pm
I have a theory about Valentine's Day. That it has everything to do with the paper & textile industries getting rid of the Christmas stock. The big colors of Christmas, of course, being red & green. Next "holiday" up? St. Patrick's Day.
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  Pink SkullLittleMisterMoffatt
  2/14/14 12:26pm
  How dare you besmirch the ancient holy day of getting daytime drunk at a vaguely irish themed bar with your boys. WHO YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SINCE COLLEGE, BRO.
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  Countess von Fingerbang, misandryst in the sheetsLittleMisterMoffatt
  2/14/14 12:42pm
  I am subscribing to this conspiracy theory from now on.
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