Kinja reply list

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Veronica CorningstoneRobert Kessler
1/14/14 3:53pm
My parents died of cancer in 2001 and 2006, before the blog phenomenon, and I wish I'd had an outlet like this to write about what we all went through at Sloan and Mount Sinai.
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  mrsfinchVeronica Corningstone
  1/14/14 4:42pm
  My mother had ovarian cancer (recovered), my father had kidney cancer (did not recover) and I lost a good friend to breast cancer. What goes on in the lives of the patients and their caregivers during those times is not pretty. If you're squeamish, look away. If you want to learn something, read on.
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  laurenVeronica Corningstone
  1/14/14 5:12pm
  My dad has terminal cancer. I'm 31. It's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with, and the internet has helped me immensely.
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Sean BrodyRobert Kessler
1/14/14 3:05pm

Cancer? I Hardly Know Her.

I love that
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  Gabrielle CyniqueSean Brody
  1/14/14 3:14pm
  I had colorectal cancer 12 years ago. I think I used about a million variations on "Rectum?! It nearly killed 'em!" We cancer survivors are just operating on a Borscht belt level of comedy.
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  effdotGabrielle Cynique
  1/14/14 3:18pm
  I just find out that I'm (still) not cancerous, just having a really bad UC attack.
  
  Good on you for surviving, and telling it like it is!
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ahb77Robert Kessler
1/14/14 3:09pm
I have stage four cancer. I don't write about it much, but there is not one bleeping thing about it that is fun or good or comfortable. Write away if it helps you. I re-read young adult books to forget I have cancer. Everybody copes however works best.
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  Jezebelledahb77
  1/14/14 4:04pm
  I hope you recover fully!
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  Zannewhiteahb77
  1/14/14 4:45pm
  Nothing meant by this but I recommend The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Helped me loads
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swannysezRobert Kessler
1/14/14 3:25pm
I appreciate this article immensely and wish you the best in your treatment.

What I took from Kellers' articles was not so much that they were angry about her blogging and tweeting about her experience, but more that she was not willing to simply suck it up and go die. I found the anger was toward her trying to prolong her life when it was clear to them that she should just fucking die already. Her mere act of living was infuriating to them. After all, Bill's Dad just shut up and died. It seemed to me that they had taken the very gall of people to fight against cancer to be an affront to his father's memory.

So, I don't think that the Kellers' mind you writing about it as long as you have the decency to die on a reasonable schedule and not try to fight the cancer. You know, if cancer is inevitable, just lie back and enjoy it, right?

I'm sorry, I'm being a bit snarky and I fell a bit badly about it on some level, hence my still typing. But who the fuck are the Kellers to lay the smack down on some chick from the high and mighty twin pulpits of the Guardian and the Old Gray Lady because she makes them think that they might not have done right by Billy's Dad?

That's what this comes down to for me: someone made a choice that was different from the one they made, is talking publicly about it and they cannot stand to hear about it because it makes them have to think about the choice they made and wonder if they made the right one. Because what is right for them MUST be right for everyone.

They are arrogant fuckweasels and if I never read another word either of them ever writes I'll be good with that.
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  thatguythatothertimeswannysez
  1/14/14 4:16pm
  I think you nailed the Kellers' motivation. I got the same exact impression from the husband, but the wife's comment about obsession still baffles me.
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  peacelovecrazyswannysez
  1/14/14 4:30pm
  In American society, we are uncomfortable with suffering if we can't fix it (or blame the victim, we like to do that too). And there's an unwritten rule that you're not supposed to make other people uncomfortable with your suffering, especially in wealthy circles. Emma Keller even had breast cancer herself. But hers was early stage and she got treatment reconstruction and may be done with it. It seems callous not just to criticize Lisa Adams, but to use an international newspaper column to do it. It's using that incredibly public forum that makes it particularly offensive to me.
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raincoasterRobert Kessler
1/14/14 6:26pm
Hang in there, dude! I had Hodgkin's Disease twenty years ago with a full year of chemo, and chemo is teh suck, but dying is worse. And blogging helped. Blogging helped a LOT. It's not only the emotional release, and the ability to update everyone interested in you at once (you get tired of answering the same questions a hundred times, and you will eventually say "Just read my blog"). More importantly even, when you document what you are going through physically you can begin to see patterns. You can see what works for you and what doesn't. You can say "okay, judging from the three rounds of chemo I've had, and how fast I've recovered, I will need to lay in three days of meals before I go in to the hospital again."

It may be just a blog, but in this way you are contributing to the body of knowledge of how cancer treatment works on the human body. Medical sociologists will read your blog in the future, as they will read mine (well, mine is dead now except for a few files on the Wayback Machine), as they will read Lisa Adams' tweets. You're actually HELPING cancer patients.

Hang in there. I look forward to your recovery. Oh and PS thanks for reminding people not to ignore swollen lymph glands. That's how I was diagnosed, too.
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  CCmellsraincoaster
  1/14/14 7:19pm
  So true about people's blogs helping patients and those around them.
  
  I know this is insignificant, but because of Lisa Adams' nagging about getting a flu shot, I got one for the first time this year. She helps me get out of my own skin.
  
  And many more years of good health to you.
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  raincoasterCCmells
  1/14/14 7:39pm
  Thank you. Yes, Flu shots are important and here I am thinking I should get mine, thanks to your comment. Meta!
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Yotsuba&TochanRobert Kessler
1/14/14 3:04pm
Great piece of writing.
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  burlivesleftnutYotsuba&Tochan
  1/14/14 3:27pm
  Agreed. And please get better.
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FranzKRobert Kessler
1/14/14 3:02pm
Good luck with your treatment!
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RonnieBobbyRickyandMikeRobert Kessler
1/14/14 3:14pm
"... a bone marrow biopsy which is a barbaric procedure in which the patient is wide awake while a doctor drills into his pelvis and collects bone marrow."

I'm not a Doctor, nor do I play one on TV, so you'll forgive the coarseness of this next question -

Why the actual fuck is someone required to be awake for something that sounds as excruciating as this procedure?!?!?! Please tell me they at least use some kind of local anesthetic with this...not that it would help.
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  burlivesleftnutRonnieBobbyRickyandMike
  1/14/14 3:28pm
  It's the punishment phase of the healing process.
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  Linda S. CummingsRonnieBobbyRickyandMike
  1/14/14 3:45pm
  Yes, they use a local...so what you feel is an enormous amt. of pressure. The pain comes later when the local wears off. Believe me, having the biopsy taken from your pelvis is better than taking it from your sternum.
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otterbirdRobert Kessler
1/14/14 4:40pm
My mother died of breast cancer in 1982, when she was 35. I can't help but think that the zealous over-sharing from people like Lisa Adams would have... helped her not feel so incredibly alone, actually. I could totally see her reaching out to talk to fellow cancer patients online, and maybe being able to understand she wasn't alone; that other women were mourning the loss of their breasts (she never recovered from the emotional trauma of her mastectomy), and getting advice or at least sympathy and empathy about the effects of chemo and also feeling the terror she felt about leaving two small children behind (I only know about this last part because years after she died I found a short journal of hers). Or maybe she would have kept her experience to herself, but at least she would have had a choice, that cancer patients didn't really have back then, when people didn't talk about cancer, not in any immediate way. Cancer sucks, but being able to talk about and read about the experience of having cancer is a positive thing for those who have it, and also for those of us fortunate enough not to have it. So yeah, the Kellers are idiots. And unkind idiots, at that.
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AbbeynovaRobert Kessler
1/14/14 3:18pm
Keller weaves a bizarre argument that 1) Lisa's constant tweeting leaves behind macabre memories, and 2) it is creepy to read about someone's health struggles

I still don't understand where the Kellers are coming from in the least. It's not a complex issue, it's actually very simple. If it bothers you that much, DON'T READ IT.
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  WhompaloompaAbbeynova
  1/14/14 5:04pm
  The lady Keller has no point. And the dude Keller has no point except for pissily defending his pointless wife's pointless argument.
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  floribundasAbbeynova
  1/14/14 5:19pm
  Yeah, that's the part I don't get. There are thousands, maybe millions, of blogs out there. No one's forced to read them.
  
  My mother and grandmother died of cancer. I don't read cancer blogs. I don't write about my experience with them. That's my choice. I have no issue with someone in the same situation writing copiously about it or reading every cancer blog they can find. Honestly, it's whatever gets you through the night. Why is that so hard?
  
  And Mr. Kessler, I'm very middle-aged and my date to the junior prom had your disease. He recovered and he's around decades later. Best of luck to you and the speediest and longest-lasting of full recoveries.
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