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    BerkRieTracy Moore
    11/06/13 1:37pm
    GIF

    That is all.

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      helloimjennscoBerkRie
      11/06/13 2:27pm

      Right? I just...I read the whole thing and I thought, "Wow, these people exist! They're out there! They are putting this piece out into the world without any apparent trace of irony." And then I sat for awhile by myself in the dark and tried not to weep hot salty tears because cartoon birds will never braid my hair the way they clearly do for these folks.

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      BerkRiehelloimjennsco
      11/06/13 2:32pm

      I don't know... I'm inordinately grateful I am not them. I mean, I adore Kraft Dinner and my ex-stray cat and Supernatural and my 8-year-old Honda Fit. These things are all easy to find, obtain and keep without angst. I am pleased with my life choices.

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    badmuthaTracy Moore
    11/06/13 1:37pm

    Cut to 6 years later. They both travel too damn much to see each other, he finds her to be difficult and flighty, she finds him stodgy and boring. They have a spectacularly dramatic divorce. She goes back to the stone hut and drinks.

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      BerkRiebadmutha
      11/06/13 1:41pm

      Don't forget the wild sex with Serge the Trullo Caretaker.

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      badmuthaBerkRie
      11/06/13 1:43pm

      That Serge is a madman. All that living in the country alone with the animals makes a man really appreciate the company of women.

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    I'd eat a spiderTracy Moore
    11/06/13 1:37pm

    I can't even.

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      badmuthaI'd eat a spider
      11/06/13 1:39pm

      Was it the "starling" part? Because I thought that was just crazy talk. Do they call each other "my starling darling?" And who wants to sleep on bamboo? That shit is hard.

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      I'd eat a spiderbadmutha
      11/06/13 1:40pm

      Yes, it was the starling. Also that godawful headpiece

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    anteriorcruciateTracy Moore
    11/06/13 1:36pm

    Elisabeth van Lawick van Pabst-Koch

    "Pabst Koch" is also Williamsburg slang for when hipster boys can't get it up after too many cheap cans of beer.

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      recidiviciousanteriorcruciate
      11/06/13 1:44pm

      You win. The hipsters applaud you.

      GIF
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    sugarsnap-peaTracy Moore
    11/06/13 1:38pm

    I'm sorry, but does this woman actually have a plastic bird inserted into her hairdo? Someone, please click on the link and assure me that I am not seeing things. And those white side poofs in her attendant's hair are just horrid.

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      Hannibal the Cannibalsugarsnap-pea
      11/06/13 1:44pm

      You're not seeing things. This woman actually has a plastic bird inserted into her hairdo.

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      ChocolateCakeAndBeerForBreakfastsugarsnap-pea
      11/06/13 1:47pm

      Whoa. I clicked because I thought "Oh like Carrie from Sex in the City? How odd."

      Nope. Way more odd. And you are not seeing things.

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    stacyinbeanTracy Moore
    11/06/13 1:45pm

    Is this some Freemason shit or something? What is with the hideous triangle cake?

    ETA - Oh. This quote makes it all makes sense.

    “I like the fact that it resembled blood,” she said. “The circle of life, love, and death.”

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      Pope Alexanderstacyinbean
      11/06/13 1:49pm

      I see someone didn't go to the European School of Luxembourg in 1993.

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      petrichorPope Alexander
      11/06/13 1:52pm

      See, now if it had been in the shape of an armadillo, I might be forced to like them a teensy tinsey bit.

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    Pope AlexanderTracy Moore
    11/06/13 1:48pm

    Darling, you are just like a woman with no discernible character traits who goes crazy because some depressed dork with daddy issues doesn't want to marry you, but also doesn't want any other man to marry you, causing you to stroll around saying nonsense shit for a while before drowning yourself.

    GIF
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      ameagaPope Alexander
      11/06/13 1:55pm

      OPHELIA SO BAD FOR YOURSELF.

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      therespizzaPope Alexander
      11/06/13 2:03pm

      Your hair looks so good today! I can't believe you were going to get it wet!

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    Seize: it's about ethics in gossip journalismTracy Moore
    11/06/13 2:06pm

    Creatures from the stars? Hoo boy. Wait until she finds out her star stallion can't see dust and has an intractable throat-clearing habit.I love their wedding night thing. I believe that the wedding night should be as awkward for your mutual parents to consider or talk about as you can manage. Personally I was going to settle with asking my dad to buy me two cases of Boone's Farm and to put rubber sheets on the gift registry, but telling everyone via the NYT that you rutted like drunks out in the elements surrounded by expensive cultural appropriation honestly one-ups any awkwardness within my power.Way to go, white people. Way to go.

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      Wandering WombatSeize: it's about ethics in gossip journalism
      11/06/13 2:19pm

      This:
      "rutted like drunks out in the elements surrounded by expensive cultural appropriation"
      Is a work of art. Amazing.

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      mrsfinchSeize: it's about ethics in gossip journalism
      11/06/13 2:23pm

      OMG this. You are so wonderful.

      I have a friend whose brother and sister-in-law had a neo-hippie wedding at a farm. She wore the wedding dress her mother (original hippie, or OH) had worn at her own wedding, which just happened to be a white crocheted mini-dress with daisies on the sleeves, and the OH's wedding gift to the happy couple was that they made all the beer and wine served at the wedding.

      I am no fan of hippies, but that sounds like a rockin' good time compared to having to cope with a bride with a starling on her head and a fat lapdog stuffed under one arm.

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    catfaceTracy Moore
    11/06/13 1:54pm

    "timid and mystical, Ophelia-like in her black boots, but I knew her shyness concealed something quite formidable”

    NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT. NOT EVEN BRITISH PEOPLE. It's like they spent hours picking out and rehearsing the most obnoxious things to say to the NYT.

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      PaperMooncatface
      11/06/13 2:19pm

      I was confused when I started reading the bullet points because I thought that one was a quotation from Lolita.

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      Mywifebonniecatface
      11/06/13 2:25pm

      The only thing that sentence made me feel was a strange urge to go buy black boots.

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    Sempre plou sobre mullatTracy Moore
    11/06/13 2:25pm

    There it is... my reminder that I have a date tonight with a bottle of red and some cheese. Maybe I'll be all fancy and get the smoked gouda.

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      DaliMailSempre plou sobre mullat
      11/06/13 3:37pm

      I bought some triple cream brie. It is fucking delicious but smoked gouda is also delish. Maybe I will get buckwild and go buy MORE cheese and some smoked meats and just call it a life.

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      DuchessCrazyLindaSempre plou sobre mullat
      11/06/13 3:41pm

      OOH! Or you could do that and get some parrano, too. That's the life.

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