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    tschreckHamilton Nolan
    10/17/13 12:35pm

    i sometimes ask my more intellectual friends the hypothetical question:

    if you could go back in time and eliminate one person, who would it be?

    the standard despots are usually brought up, and my choice would have been Emperor Constantine, but adding Dick to the conversation does bring up some interesting notions...

    too bad the damage has already been done.

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      narcissustschreck
      10/17/13 12:49pm

      How about preventing the elimination of one person? Czar Alexander II, assassinated two days before he was to call for an elected parliament; replaced by a staunch monarchist who viciously suppressed reformers. There would have been no Bolshevik Revolution. Huge ramifications on the outcome of World War I, and possibly no World War II — no Hitler, no Stalin, no Cold War. Maybe no Marxism at all — no Chinese Revolution, no Chairman Mao, no Great Leap, no North Korea.

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      Perry Downingnarcissus
      10/17/13 1:31pm

      That's an excellent choice! Though, sadly, I suspect Europe was going to blow up over something eventually. They were like a bunch of brothers who needed to get it out of their systems before they could learn to get along like grown-ups.

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    Over-the-RiverHamilton Nolan
    10/17/13 12:29pm

    What If Dick Cheney's First Heart Attack Had Killed Him?

    Stop teasing us like that.

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      cheerful_exgirlfriendOver-the-River
      10/17/13 12:32pm

      All I can think of is there aren't enough happy dancing .gifs to convey my joy at the thought.

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      Búho se Pierdecheerful_exgirlfriend
      10/17/13 12:36pm

      Seriously. Perchance to dream.

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    HellephantHamilton Nolan
    10/17/13 12:33pm

    I hope this is only the first in a series of books about Dick Cheney's organs. A must read!

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      Búho se PierdeHellephant
      10/17/13 12:35pm

      And then maybe one about his ghost.

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      HellephantBúho se Pierde
      10/17/13 12:42pm

      Horny Ghost of Osama bin Laden II: A Forbidden Love

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    Yukon KizmiazHamilton Nolan
    10/17/13 12:28pm

    It's too bad the VietCong didn't get a crack at his 5 deferment ass first.

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      Bill S. Preston Esq.Yukon Kizmiaz
      10/17/13 12:35pm

      Yeah, the lengths he went to avoid going to a war he supported is insane and worth a read if someone doesn't know the story.

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      Yukon KizmiazBill S. Preston Esq.
      10/17/13 12:42pm

      He's the ultimate chickenhawk. Well him and Ted Nugent. And Rush. And Gingrich. And Hannity. And on, and on, and on...

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    Steve_Buscemi's_OrthodontistHamilton Nolan
    10/17/13 12:33pm

    It's hard to imagine Bush being elected without Cheney.

    One is a mentally-challenged alcoholic from a political dynasty.
    The other was the inspiration for Supernatural's demon king of hell, Crowley.

    I'd argue that No Cheney = No Bush presidency as the power brokers that ushered in that duo certainly wouldn't have saddles themselves with HeHaw Made Flesh if it wasn't for Dr. Doom being on the ticket.

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      UnoriginalNightSteve_Buscemi's_Orthodontist
      10/17/13 12:44pm

      Hey! Don't drag Crowley into this mess.

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      Steve_Buscemi's_OrthodontistUnoriginalNight
      10/17/13 12:48pm

      I would have used Faust but that would have required him to be a time-travelling immorta - oh, fuck. I should have used Faust.

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    ElCubanoHamilton Nolan
    10/17/13 12:31pm

    What if you had died 10 years ago? Then you wouldn't have written an article underhandedly hoping that someone had died.

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      medsy2ElCubano
      10/17/13 12:43pm

      To be fair, the author didn't kill and displace millions of people throughout his lifetime.....and show no remorse.

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      xmnrmedsy2
      10/17/13 12:53pm

      Not only "show no remorse", but he's adamantly proud of it. He goes to interviews hoping they ask him about his achievements so he can crow about how many people he is responsible for killing or torturing.

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    jasoneliasHamilton Nolan
    10/17/13 1:09pm

    If Dick Cheney had died in 1978? The years 2000-2013 would have been better, I think most can agree.

    What I also find interesting is the fact that Dick Cheney (while never a bastion of love and goodwill) seemed to get unnecessarily evil in the past two decades. He did seem to be somewhat responsible during the Operation Desert Storm days. But make no mistake, he was never an angel, never really likeable—but he didn't seem to be the monster he's become and seems to enjoy.

    I wonder if his health problems contributed to this and should have someone with these kind of health concerns, continued to serve the public (he had a mild heart attack in November 2000.) Of course if he died in 1978, I wouldn't even be thinking about this.

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      twinsmommyjasonelias
      10/17/13 2:18pm

      Becoming more evil over time is just what happens when more and more of your body is replaced with robotics.

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    Collapsed ConversationHamilton Nolan
    10/17/13 1:17pm

    A question for medical professionals, a take on the moral dilemma/Hitler murder paradox here:

    If you happened upon a time machine that transported you back in time to witness any of Cheney's heart attack episodes, would you render medical assistance to him, or try to figure out a way to refrain from action? While laypeople are not legally required to render medical assistance to another, I imagine the Hippocratic Oath might compel a medical professional to try to help a person in such a situation.

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      GLJeremyCollapsed Conversation
      10/17/13 1:51pm

      McCoy had to be restrained to let Edith die. Temporal Prime Directive more important than Hippocratic Oath. Though many a Federation Doctor has been tempted and been unable to refrain from offering help. Unless you were preordained to go back and save the person you cannot help, and even then you better have compelling evidence of this to show Federation Temporal Investigators.

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      MikeTheRipper12Collapsed Conversation
      10/17/13 5:57pm

      This also falls into the "the devil you know" argument. In that we know the events that are already established, but without literally trying to take into account every single possible event that could ever arise from say...let's go with killing Hitler, that's the 'ol stand by. In fact I'll use the game series Red Alert as an example. When Einstein went back in time in Red Alert to kill Hitler in his youth he never imagined that without Hitler being there intially and later on to become the causation that led to the Soviet/British/American alliance and Germany staying a relative crippled country that Stalin (who's timeline was completely unaffected by Hitler's death in his student years) came to power in the same established way, but had to "leash" to control his expansionist policies he simply unleashed a soviet "blitzkrieg" much later on. This is certainly applicable to other people/events, but the known "what ifs" and the possible unknowns are so great that...yes it would be an amazing thing to prevent that loss of life, but might not the 'now in motion' set of events because the changed timeline be possibly worse then the events we originally set out to change?

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    Tyrant BigglesHamilton Nolan
    10/17/13 1:05pm

    Are we certain Cheney did survive his first heart attack? How do we know what inhabits that form is not...something else?

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      ManchuCandidateHamilton Nolan
      10/17/13 12:32pm

      Stop it. It would be like those crazy alternative history books (if the Nazees or South won their wars), but with a happier ending.

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