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    peasandriceKatie J.M. Baker
    10/01/13 8:04pm

    A friend of mine moved from the east coast to the west coast, and she mentioned that west coasters were way more likely to hug than give a handshake, even if you just met. Coastal Jezzies, any takes on this? (And Midwest Jezzies, where do you fall on the handshake/hug line for people you don't know well?)

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      ImmortalAgnespeasandrice
      10/01/13 8:14pm

      Californian here. Yes, people hug. So much hugging. I do not love it. I don't mind hugging my mom when I see her. But do I need to hug all of my friends and acquaintances every time I see them? The answer should be no, but it is apparently yes.

      Also, my circle of friends includes a dude who for many years was known as the penis hugger. He would give you a too-tight hug while thrusting his pelvis forward. All the women who knew him (he was otherwise a pleasant guy!) learned to give him that shoulder hug where you lean forward to prevent as much bodily contact as possible.

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      Donttweetfrommepeasandrice
      10/01/13 8:22pm

      As a Midwesterner, lots if hugging is viewed as excessive, a little weird, and quite possibly the work of an untrustworthy person.

      I absolutely adore my son in law. He's been in the family for five years, but if I did more than say "hey" to him? He'd ask what was wrong, and brace himself for bad news.

      Handshaking is a filthy habit. Someday, it will be the smoking of human interaction

      Finally, what's with these over confident young people these days who offer their hands to everyone? Bad form to think an adult you've just met wants to shake. Any time a student who just met me does it, I think "Aggressive little suck up." Fortunately, most of my students are awesome.

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    Tastycakes2Katie J.M. Baker
    10/01/13 7:22pm

    I'm American, and I CANNOT get used to cheek kisses. I know it's just a greeting, but as soon as someone's face starts looming into my face, I start backing up. I'm sorry, various Latin American and European people I've subjected to this awkward moment!

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      Sea AnemoneTastycakes2
      10/01/13 10:35pm

      I grew up in Miami, and despite my dislike for hugs, I am completely ok with cheek kisses. You don't even really kiss, you just touch cheeks for half a second. I find it to be about on par with a handshake in discomfort factor. I do agree that it's for friends and family, though. If I met someone professional and they wanted to kiss me, I would be weirded out.

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      AnnieWalkerTastycakes2
      10/02/13 9:26am

      I only cheek kiss my nieces and guys I still like that I've previously had sex with. Everyone else generally gets a handshake, wave, or the occasional hug. I'm not a touchy-feely kinda gal.

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    goldfarbKatie J.M. Baker
    10/01/13 7:15pm

    I like the "Distant Jaw Jut"

    it's for just about anyone in a reasonably casual situation...esp if getting to them for a handshake etc is awkward, like in a bar or living room when there is stuff in the way - other people, coffee tables etc

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      Sherrod DeGrippogoldfarb
      10/01/13 7:20pm

      Describe this!

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      goldfarbSherrod DeGrippo
      10/01/13 7:34pm

      Head up, looking directly at the intended recipient, then in a sharp motion stick your jaw out - this will naturally rotate your head back a bit...it is the visual equivalent of saying "Hey."

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    lastchancemagooKatie J.M. Baker
    10/01/13 7:05pm

    I have this memory from college - I was a sophomore and just getting used to the "handshake" thing as someone a Real Live Grown-Up should do. I was an awkward kid and an even more awkward teenager - I hated meeting new people, especially parents. Anyway, I distinctly remember meeting a really good college friend's father and being really proud of myself for immediately sticking out my hand to shake his, and he rebuffed me, refused my handshake. It was so tremendously awkward. I am still embarrassed and feel awful about it. I remember my friend thought it was hilarious. I wonder if I'm strange for still being bothered by it...

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      retrogirllastchancemagoo
      10/01/13 7:08pm

      Do you know why? Was the handshake too formal, and he went for the hug? Or was your hand too young and dirty? A handshake seems like a totally appropriate greeting for a friend's dad, so I'm just confused.

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      lastchancemagooretrogirl
      10/01/13 7:42pm

      He definitely didn't go for a hug. It was all very strange. He implied it was because he just used the restroom and his hands were wet but I don't think that was it? I think he just didn't want to shake hands. It was vaguely humiliating.

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    jemandthehologramsKatie J.M. Baker
    10/01/13 7:05pm

    I recently started a job where the office manager hugged me on my first day. I guess she realized I was totally stunned by it when she apologized the next day. She was really excited and I was really really caught off guard by it.

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      ajleuerjemandtheholograms
      10/01/13 9:41pm

      Wow, your manager sounds like a really cool person. At my last job, I think I could have made our company a million dollars and my boss still wouldn't be excited enough to hug me. I think it would seem every bit as awkward though if that happened to me, especially if I wasn't expecting it.

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      jemandthehologramsajleuer
      10/02/13 11:31am

      Well I think it had more to do with the fact that the office wasn't happy with the personality of the person I was replacing and she was happy that I was taking over. But yes, it's a very nice office.

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    Sea AnemoneKatie J.M. Baker
    10/01/13 8:06pm

    I don't like people touching me. Friends can occasionally touch me, strangers should keepen das hands in das pockets and watch das blinken lights.* I hate it when dates or hook ups hug me. They are both presuming an intimacy that doesn't exist yet (in the case of dates) or may never exist (hook ups). I prefer that friends only hug me during huggable occasions. Happy hour is not a huggable occasion.

    I like the high five for casual occasions. I tried instituting that as my favorite form of greeting, but I would put my hand up, the recipient would stare at me blankly, and we would be awkward for a few seconds.

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      espauseSea Anemone
      10/01/13 8:32pm

      What is with people not knowing how to respond to an obvious prompt for a high five?! I refuse to take any responsibility for the awkward moment, that signal is freaking universal. Let's both keep trying, it has to catch on eventually.

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      nuclearfeministSea Anemone
      10/01/13 10:29pm

      I am behind you 100%. I almost always wave with friends/casual acquaintances where a formal handshake would feel too weird. Hugs I tend to reserve for special occasions, family, and the guy I live with that pays half the bills.

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    lmpKatie J.M. Baker
    10/01/13 7:11pm

    In Montreal that's one thing me and my American wife find a little difficult to get used to...

    It's like... 2 cheek kisses, only, no lip touching cheek, more like, lip smack while brushing cheeks...

    Oh, and did I mention the one person I've most often done this greeting with is my friend and formerly my boss...

    I've also done it with females who are friends of my friends who I've just met... it's pretty awkward by American and probably Anglophone Canadian standards...

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      emfish55Katie J.M. Baker
      10/01/13 9:32pm

      IMPORTANT ADDENDUM: NEVER turn an alternate form of greeting into a hug half-way through the process: kisses shouldn't become hugs, high-fives shouldn't become hugs, etc.

      God, yes. I hate it when I offer my hand for a handshake, and an acquaintance pulls it in for a hug (or it's awkward cousin, the half hug, wherein you lean in with just one shoulder). Then when they try to throw a fucking cheek kiss on it? Jesus. How many of our body parts need to touch before you're happy, Person I Don't Really Know That Well? Also, at what point does this become assault? I technically only consented to shaking your hand.

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        FIGJAMKatie J.M. Baker
        10/01/13 8:48pm

        If any of you have high school kids, you'll see the "hug" all the time. Every time I go to one of my kid's events, the kids are all walking up to each other and hugging hello. Girls hugging girls, girls hugging boys, boys hugging girls. No boys hugging boys though. Not even a handshake. Just a head nod or maybe a fist bump at the most.

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          ZaciDeetsFIGJAM
          10/02/13 10:12am

          I teach high school, and have noticed that although boys don't hug each other, they can be very touchy feely with each other. For example, draping an arm around a friend's shoulders, hooking an arm around someone's neck and pulling them closer, or (one on fairly memorable occasion) two boys who sat next to each other in class absent-mindedly stroking each other's arms. It's never boys who I would identify as being gay or possibly gay, and is generally done by the more confident or loud boys. Mostly it's sweet and kind of funny.

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        annekeKatie J.M. Baker
        10/02/13 7:40am

        I got into some pretty awkward greeting situations when I visited the USA for the first time. Hugging someone is considered something you do with very close friends where I'm from, and a kiss on the cheek is considered a pretty normal way of greeting a friend or acquaintance. I've had a few occasions where someone hugged me and I kissed their cheek (force of habit) and got some pretty funny looks. The same thing happens in my own country as well by the way, since the number of cheek kisses greatly varies between regions. I give one, but when you encounter someone who gives three it makes for a pretty entertaining head dance.

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