Discussion
  • Read More
    MycologieAnna Breslaw
    8/12/13 9:32am

    On seeing the Beeb's naked body so early in the morning:

    GIF
    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      ReasorMycologie
      8/12/13 9:36am

      The day can only improve from here.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      DevonnaMycologie
      8/12/13 9:38am

      This and the huge Nutritional Content of Semen post have served as reminders that I should really not be reading Jezebel at work. Or while eating a meal.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    atinyblueowlAnna Breslaw
    8/12/13 9:32am

    Well, it's official: I am completely incapable of looking at Justin Bieber and seeing an adult man. The pictures are actually sort of cute in a "silly toddler took off all his clothes, scribbled on himself with a marker, and is running around with a toy" way. I bet he ran around like that for a while and then later his grandma found him asleep on the living room floor surrounded by action figures and crayons.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      Violet Baudelaireatinyblueowl
      8/12/13 9:58am

      Right? I feel wrong looking at him, not because he's naked or whatnot, but because I feel like I'm looking at like a naked teen. It's... gross.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      yvanehtniojatinyblueowl
      8/12/13 10:08am

      He has the little-kiddest face of all the little-kid faces.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    HipsterSpaceRedneckAnna Breslaw
    8/12/13 11:13am

    Thanks for all the body snarking, jezzies.

    And thanks for resurrecting all of my insecurities about my own body. Turns out, y'all are whispering to each other about how disgusted I make you feel, how I must be tiny "down there", and how I must be a secret homosexual because of my "girl" body. It's bad enough I have to endure that from the clicky-gossipy women at work. I hate having to deal with that shit here.

    First off, fuck you. All of you. You can all eat shit. How would you like it if I made comments about Katy Perry's low wide hips? Or how her tits have a lot of hang to them? Or maybe you'd like it if I referred to Oprah as a cow and suggest that I need to bleach my eyes after seeing that her chin has chins? Should we giggle at Lindsay's freckles? I hear gingers get a freckle every time their horrifying faces make an innocent lamb kill itself. I know! Let's go off on Jane Lynch for being half man, half neanderthal. She doesn't fit the stereotype of sexy, so it's ok to strip her of any right to be called female, yes? What? You're not ok with any of that? Then back the fuck off.

    Second, dicks aren't like tits. They don't gain or lose inches depending on our weight. Remember that article that shamed and snarked those fat guys for having tiny dicks? Yeah, there is no relationship between body side and dick size. SO KNOCK THAT SHIT THE FUCK OFF.

    Last, if we're going to play this game of body snark, then I'll go ahead and level the playing field for you: as much as I enjoy dating extremely beautiful women who are built like me, I also enjoy dating extremely beautiful women who are sometimes 50% bigger than me. Once I learned to get over my attitudes about bodies, my world opened up to a lot more kind, caring, and deeply intimate and sensual relationships. One of the great loves of my life had hips twice as wide as mine. I was crazy about her anyway. I enjoyed her size, her curves, the way she bounced. And she enjoyed me, for all my angles and edges. And yes, I gave her an orgasm every single time with my long fingers, my eager tongue, and my big fucking dick.

    In conclusion, congratulations on being a pack of shitheads. I'm going to go shake this off and try to have a better Monday.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      HelloKayleighHipsterSpaceRedneck
      8/12/13 12:53pm

      Personally, it's not his appearance that makes me find him unattractive (my boyfriend has a similar body type, though in a 31 year old way) - it's his awful personality and his gross actions.

      I do agree that the body snark is uncalled for. If it would be inappropriate to say about a woman, it should be inappropriate to say about a man. Jezebel seems to do this a lot (see: the man who wore leggings that outlined his genitalia creepshot).

      Don't let it get to you. Some people are hypocrites. Some people are just unaware. There are a lot of women out there who know better and who are attracted to people who are naturally thin, like you. If Bieb's body was attached to a different head/personality, it would be a different story. He's just such a shithead.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      ashwisHipsterSpaceRedneck
      8/12/13 12:59pm

      You're absolutely right. It's not ok for women to do that and I totally get it, my ex-husband was built similarly. He had the same kind of complaint. I apologize on behalf of the women here who don't recognize that double standard. I think that we are all over this Justin Bieber kid and his antics etc. One part of me knows that's no excuse to criticize something that he has no control over, like his appearance. Another part of me thinks that when a Teen Mom or celebrity poses nude or in a bikini on a magazine cover they are willingly opening themselves up for critique. We naturally go to that place and notice the things we like and don't like, imperfections etc as if we were looking at a piece of art in a museum. In this case the photo in question happens to be private and The Biebs may or may not have given consent for it to go public. I think that, as a society, we need to stop making physical appearance part of the equation for determining a persons value. But in the case of determining our level of attraction to another human being, which is what I believe my peers were discussing here, physical appearance will always be paramount. Some people dig the whole androgynous thing though and it is ultimately impossible to quantify a person's masculinity and sexiness based on a photograph alone.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    BabyJaneAnna Breslaw
    8/12/13 10:38am

    The immortal words of George Harrison come to mind, "While my guitar gently weeps."

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      veeBabyJane
      8/12/13 10:45am

      Strangely enough, "While my guitar is wracked with heaving sobs," was the original draft of that song, which the prophet George wrote, in anticipation of this day. Praise ye.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      DeccaLeChatvee
      8/12/13 1:51pm

      I'm surprised it wasn't "While My Guitar Tried to Vomit but it Couldn't Because it Was a Guitar and Also it Wondered if There was Enough Bleach in the World to Make it Feel Clean Again."

      Too long?

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    UrbanAchieverAnna Breslaw
    8/12/13 9:28am

    Re: Bieber

    First, I was all like,

    GIF

    But then I realized it was more like,

    GIF

    It's a crazy exclusive secret Thanksgiving get together open only to Canuck grandmothers and naked teen boys who are allowed to cover themselves only in musical instruments or smaller humans. The theme is beige middle-class, the music is Christian Muzak, the theme is dirty, dirty inter-generational non-verbal communication. The play items are applesauce, turkey drumsticks and holy water.

    Cameras are allowed, forethought is not.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      Seize: it's about ethics in gossip journalismUrbanAchiever
      8/12/13 9:52am

      This is the perfect response.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    Remedios VaroAnna Breslaw
    8/12/13 9:48am

    I don't know which is weirder — Biebs getting naked and singing for his grandma, or someone, presumably another family member, taking a picture of it.

    Seriously, who took that picture?!

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      Violet BaudelaireRemedios Varo
      8/12/13 9:59am

      RIGHT???

      This was my first question. It's obviously inside a house somewhere, inside of a family's house. Who on earth took this and released it?

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      DeathByGlitterRemedios Varo
      8/12/13 12:15pm

      My money is on his mom.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    bokjoyAnna Breslaw
    8/12/13 9:20am

    NSFWNSFWNSFWNSFW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      paging_dr_nickbokjoy
      8/12/13 9:30am

      Um, the title has the word NAKED in it. That should be a good indicator!

      NSF human eyes is more like it

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      catfacepaging_dr_nick
      8/12/13 9:41am

      There's a prominent butt pic on the front page of Jez though!

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    VamanosPestAnna Breslaw
    8/12/13 9:12am

    Is Justin Bieber 9 feet tall?!

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      Snacktastic Part II: the Snack AwakensAnna Breslaw
      8/12/13 9:15am

      The article says that Angus is reconsidering his involvement with the seventh day adventist church after his parents objected—it makes more sense that he's denying the whole thing and not wanting to talk about it if he is in some turmoil about his involvement in something he is now disowning.

      I think it is probably much ado about nothing but hey, just clarifying.

      Reply
      <
      • Read More
        Slut PanicSnacktastic Part II: the Snack Awakens
        8/12/13 10:09am

        I think this article is just trying to get the Angus's name back in the press. I bet he fine and rolling in a pile of money every day.

        Reply
        <
      • Read More
        Snacktastic Part II: the Snack AwakensSlut Panic
        8/12/13 10:17am

        I wonder if he had a big religious freakout, got involved with some really charismatic guy and now in retrospect, is embarrassed.

        It's okay, Angus. I did embarrassing things when I was 19. Most of them involved hard alcohol but you know, still embarrassing.

        Reply
        <
    • Read More
      LaComtesseAnna Breslaw
      8/12/13 9:53am

      This naked picture of Bieber has totally cancelled out the joy I felt this morning when I realized I still had a container of sour gummy worms from Whole Foods that I was clever enough to have bought on Friday.

      Reply
      <
      • Read More
        msfriendlyLaComtesse
        8/12/13 11:47am

        How did they last so long?! My mother sends me Sam's Club-sized bags of Sour Patch Kids in the mail to England, and they usually last about as long as it takes me to feel really sick from eating a pound of corn syrup.

        Reply
        <
      • Read More
        LaComtessemsfriendly
        8/12/13 11:50am

        It was a pretty large container. A girl can only eat so many sour worms...

        Reply
        <